You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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