grandma shit on top of the toilet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize