4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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