My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
