hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
