my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
