It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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