Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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