Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
