my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize