He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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