he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
