What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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