forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
