please come you make the beer taste better
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
