I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
