Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
