So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
