Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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