Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
