So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
