My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize