the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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