Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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