Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
