So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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