This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
