Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
