it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
