I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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