He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize