It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
