you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
