I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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