Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
