just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
