How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So drunk its hurt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no, he came in my armpit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
