would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
