He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
