Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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