so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
