Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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