we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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