I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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