There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
