Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
