I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
