Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
