Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
