I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
