happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize