That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
