please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
