**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
