Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
