I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
