just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
