Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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