He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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