Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He did a backflip because drugs
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