conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
