we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
