it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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