winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
