so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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