i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
