Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
