wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize