Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
