Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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