she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
