I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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