I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
