I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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