dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
