She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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