Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
