whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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